Image via Wiley Valentine

Today wasn't a "bad" day.  But... I feel like I could burst into tears at any given moment.  The tears are right there- just waiting.  I'm so ready for my husband to come home- he's a big part of our family and we love being together.  The kids really miss their Daddy and at their ages it's hard to express those feelings- so there's been melt downs.  On top of that, my oldest started kindergarten this week (today was her first full day).  I haven't cried (and I haven't even pulled more than usual), but I'm spent.  My emotions need a break.  Maybe I should just let it all go and let myself have a good cry tonight.  A good cry is okay...  it's better than pulling.

MUST WASH HAIR!

Greasy hair = Strong urge to pull

I really need to make sure I wash my hair every day.  Even if it doesn't seem that bad in the morning, I need to wash it... cause by the end of the day it will be gross and it'll bother me and I will pull and pull.

MUST WASH HAIR!

    

These next two weeks should be interesting.  My husband is out of town (he left this morning).  So the days will be long and stressful with the three kids.  And the evenings will be lonely and boring.  So the urge to pull is going to be strong.  Knowing this... do I just give-in and pull away or do I try extra extra hard to resist the urges?  Not sure if I'm going to have the energy to try.  But I also don't want to have bare lashes and thinner hair and brows.  Gotta try!

Image via Behence

I've been meaning to write about my hair stylist- I love her!  I don't think she realizes how much she has done for me.  Prior to see her, I rarely got my hair done.  I dreaded it.  Every six months or so, I'd muster up enough courage to go to some random place, have a random person trim my hair, leave and hope to never see them again.  I was embarrassed.  The anxiety was awful.  And I felt like they were just staring at my damage.  On my list of things I hate- haircuts was near the very top!

Then I found out that someone I went to high school did hair... First she started cutting my kids' hair.  And eventually I got a enough guts to tell her about my trich.  She had actually heard of it and knew someone that had it.  Phew!  I was so relieved and actually excited.  I found someone who could style my hair and I would feel comfortable!  Not once have I felt anxious going to see her.  Not once have I thought that she's judging me.  I've felt... normal.  You know?  Like what most people feel like when they get their hair done.  And feeling normal is one of the greatest feelings! 

I figured she'd be my stylist for life- I mean, did she really have a choice? :)  Well... turns out she does.  She's having a baby this fall.  And I knew she'd obviously be taking time off, some sort of maternity leave.  But when she said her last day was in October- I didn't realize she meant her very last day.  She's done.... like done done.  

I'm... sad.  I don't know- not really sure what I'm feeling.  I guess that anxiousness is starting to come back cause I know that I now need to find a new person and explain my disorder.  I was hoping I wouldn't have to do that ever again (as open as I may seem- it's a lot easier on the computer than in person).

I'll keep you posted... hopefully in a few months you'll be reading a post about my new favorite stylist.  Fingers crossed.

Great news!  Trichster has reached their goal of $10,000!  But pledges are still needed.  They ultimately need to raise $20,000 to produce this film.  "Funds raised through kickstarter will go towards all aspects of production and post- production from equipment rentals to travel and film festival applications."  

To give you an idea of expenses, here's a list of costs that they shared:

$25 will pay for an SD card, XLR cable, or microphone windscreen

$100 will pay for a tripod, adapter, or small hard drive

$200 will cover the cost of a hard drive, or travel expenses

$500 will cover costs of camera rental for one week

$1,000 will cover the costs for two people to attend the trichotillomania conference or retreat

$5,000 will cover the total cost of post-production, including editing, composing, audio design and mixing, and color correction.

I personally have nothing to do with this film; I don't know the people involved.  But, I think it is very important that this documentary gets made and see by (hopefully) many!  So if you haven't help yet, please considering donating (even if its' just $1).  If you can't donate, then help by spreading the word!

Eh!  Sometimes I want to just rip out all my eyelashes and start over.  Sometimes I think having no lashes wouldn't look as bad as having huge gaps.  And then they could all grow into together and be the same length.