Monday, December 31, 2012

I've mentioned this before, but... I normally don't wash my make-up off at night (bad- I know) and shower in the morning.  That way if someone does happen to see me, I'll likely have some remnant of make-up on.  

Well, a little over a week ago, I was with my husband and kids, my parents, two of my sisters, my brother-in-law and two nieces.  We were spending the weekend together at my parents' log home. On Friday night my son managed to get honey all over himself and as I was helping clean him up, I manged to get honey in my hair.  Eww!  So, although I wasn't planning on it, I took a shower Friday night at the log home.  Saturday morning came around...  woke up with no make-up on.  Not sure why I didn't quickly put make-up on before I headed upstairs for breakfast, but I didn't.  Maybe I forgot?!?  Not sure if anyone noticed, but I do know that no one cared.  I didn't get any weird looks or any comments at all.  And yes, I know this is my family, but they don't see me like this (just my husband and kids do).  Well, we weren't going anywhere for the day and we were just enjoying the lazy day... my sister and I ended up having a jammie day (not getting dressed and staying in jammies all day).  And that also meant, I wore no make-up for the entire day!  Crazy.  I did avoid any pictures that were being taking that day, but besides that... I felt okay with it.  No one that weekend probably knew what an accomplishment that was for me.  They probably thought nothing of it.  But it was huge for me!  

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Study: Emotional Cycles Maintaining Trichotillomania (Hair-pulling) Across Subtypes.

TLC shared, "Internet-Based Research Study Open to inviting any adults who are 18 or older and have trichotillomania/chronic hair-pulling: $1 dollar donated to TLC for each participant!"  If you want to help out and be a part of the study- click here.  I haven't sat down myself to take complete the survey, but hopefully tonight or tomorrow.  

Friday, December 7, 2012

Today was a first (at least to my knowledge it was).  I was driving and something kept bugging my eye.  When I finally got a chance, I took a look at it.  It was just an upper lash that kept snagging on a bottom lash.  But they I noticed something... I hadn't finished filling in my left eyebrow (the joys of getting ready with little ones running around)!!  It's pretty noticeable in the picture below, but let me tell you- it looked waaaaay worse in person!  And unfortunately I wasn't going straight home- so I couldn't fix it.  I was meeting my mother-in-law in just a few minutes to go shopping.  And there's no way I could leave it like that- one eyebrow filled in and one partial filled in.  So my only option- rub off all the eyebrow make-up and go without.  Not sure if that option was any better though- I looked like I had no brows (I do, just very light, thin, and patchy).  Ugh... what an ugly day!  

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Roll with the Punches

Sometimes you just gotta...
Lenka - Roll With The Punches

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

I think I have allergies.  Like I'm 99.99% sure that I have allergies.  And it's gotten to the point where I finally think I should see a doctor.  However, I don't have a family doctor (and haven't for years).  So I need to get a new doctor (actually I've already made an appointment with one).  Since I'll be a new patient, I won't just be there for my allergies, but also a new patient exam.  I know there'll be a bunch of medical history questions and opportunities for me to say, "And I have trichotillomania... I have for over 20 years."  I would like to just pretend I don't have it... not necessarily lie, just not mention it.  You know?!  But there's also a huge part of me that would like to just spit it out right away and be honest about it.  And really, what is there to be nervous about?!  He's a doctor!  He's seen it all I'm sure.  And it's his job to help people.  So as awkward as it may feel to have the words come out of my mouth- I know deep down that's it's nothing to be ashamed about.

*UPDATE: I did see my new family doctor, but I did not tell him that I had trich.  There really wasn't a need to tell him (at least not at this time).

Monday, December 3, 2012

Another Trichster update

Trichster is coming along.  This documentary will help bring more awareness... but only if it is seen by others!!  There's still a ways to go- so please consider helping make Trichster possible.  Check out their Seed&Spark site- here Jillian Corsie introduces the trailer for her documentary (which is great).  There are 58 days left to help them reach their goal- right now they are 11% there.  WE can have a part of making this documentary happen!!

In addition to making a donation, you can help by spreading the word.  Considering posting this on your facebook:

My friend Jillian Corsie is trying to raise awareness about trichotillomania through her documentary Trichster. Help this amazing team of filmmakers bring this film to life and watch the trailer here:

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Josie's making some noise!

Mrs. North Carolina Josie Sanctis made some noise on her facebook page.  Check it out here!  Are you ready to make some noise?!?
You might remember me mentioning Mrs. North Carolina Josie Sanctis... well, she recently had an interview with Debra Kennedy.  You can watch the interview here (it's a 35min video, but don't worry it's really not that long- Josie's interview is the first 8min). Josie did a great job!  LOVE that she is bringing spreading awareness about trich!!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Open up

I'm really trying to be more open about trich.  And the more often I open up and share about it, the easier it gets.  Just yesterday my Mom and I were just talking about it.  It was really nice.  It didn't feel weird.  She doesn't have trich, so she was just asking questions... like "Are some days worse than others?"  It wasn't much, but it felt so good just to have an open conversation... with no awkwardness.  So I encourage you...

Image via

Monday, November 26, 2012

Found this song today on Pandora.  Now, I know this song isn't about trich.  But it's a universal song that can apply to anything... any dream or goal that you can't seem to reach, any relationship that has failed.  At some point in your life, you've probably felt these words.

"I shot for the sky,
I'm stuck on the ground
So why do I try
I know I'm gonna fall down
I thought I could fly
So why did I drown
I never know why
It's coming down, down, down
Oh, I'm going down, down, down"

Down by Jason Walker

Monday, November 19, 2012

Pretty sure I could count all my eyelashes... pretty sure you're not supposed to be able to do that.  

Friday, November 16, 2012

Just passing this along for you.  Save 20% on books, DVDs, and Fiddles at  
Just use the code: THANKYOU

Friday, November 9, 2012

Last year during Trichotillomania Awareness Week, my sister bought me a spinner ring.  I had never heard of them before.  The rings have two bands, one which spins freely and gives your fingers something to do (besides pull hair).  I've worn my spinner ring everyday since I got it.  There are times when I actually use it as it's intended for, but mostly... my sister said it is a reminder that I'm loved and supported by my family.  It may not always keep me from pulling, but that's okay.  I know I am not alone and I am loved- and that's why I wear my spinner ring everyday.  
TLC states that the "rings are also referred to as worry rings, turn rings, turning rings, prayer rings or motion rings".  
Want a spinner ring?  TLC's store special (this week): Buy one Stainless Steel Spinner Ring, get one HALF OFF! Enter coupon code GRATEFUL (spinner rings are great gifts for anyone, BFRB or not!)

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Just in case anyone was curious on how the NAC was going... Well, it's not.  It's not the NAC's fault at all- it's mine.  I'm horrible at remembering to take it.   I did great for a couple of weeks, then I started to miss here and there and then I just quit all together.  I figured what's the point if I'm not going to be consistent.  My plan is to try and take it again sometime.  Not sure when though. 

Monday, November 5, 2012

One of my favorite songs... What You Are by Jewel
(here's a youtube video I found that shares the lyrics)

We already are what we are
And what we are - is BEAUTIFUL
And STRONG enough
And GOOD enough
And BRIGHT enough...
I left the house and ran a few errands without doing my eyebrows.  And you know... it wasn't a horrible experience.  No one gave me weird looks.  And if anyone did notice my thin, barely there brows... I'm pretty sure they didn't care or think twice about it.  I think trichsters are more aware of other's brows, lashes, and hair than the average person.

Will I quit wearing brow make-up?  No.  I do look better and more... normal with it.  So yes, I'll still wear brow make-up.  But it's not the worst thing if someone sees me with my bare brows.  

Now no mascara and eyeliner?!?  Yeah... that's a different story :)  Not sure I could leave the house without those.  

Monday, October 29, 2012

Mrs. North Carolina 2013

Mrs. North Carolina 2013 Josie Sanctis photo by Angelia Hudson Photograghy

How cool is this?!~  Mrs. North Carolina 2013 Josie Sanctis is bringing awareness to trich!  "Josie is a role model for all the women in North Carolina with her positive goal oriented can do attitude.  She is constantly giving back to her community and bringing awareness to Trichotillomania disorder a condition affecting her and one she will champion as Mrs. Carolina." according to Frederick Galle Director Mrs. Amercia and Executive Director for Mrs. North Carolina.  You can check out her facebook page here and follow her journey as Mrs. North Carolina.  Good luck, Josie!!  You're making the trich community very proud :)

Monday, October 22, 2012

Rarely (if ever) do I take a shower before I take the kids to school.  But I still put on my eye make-up before I go.  The more I think about this, the more annoying it gets.  I put on eye make-up simply because I'll have brief interactions with other people (very brief).  Then i come home, shower and put my make-up on again.  So annoying.  

Saturday, October 13, 2012

The streak is over.  I pulled three lashes last night... yes 3!  This group of lashes had been bugging me.  They weren't growing straight; they were all kind of leaning to the side (if that makes sense).  In addition to that they would constantly snag on the lower lashes.  They were long enough to use a eyelash curler on- so that helped a little.  But they kept bugging me- visually and physically.  So last night I was just touching them- should have stopped!  Then I was just slightly tugging on them- should have stopped.  And it didn't take much for them to finally surrender.  After pulling the first lash, I started to think about the blog and what I was going to have to write.  I was thinking about saying something like "Just cause you pulled one doesn't mean you've failed, keep trying, blah, blah, blah..."  And as I'm thinking this, there goes lash two and three.  But then I was done.  I went to bed.  I got rid of the lashes that were bugging me.  And now today is a new day.  Going to try again.  Twelve days was the longest I've ever gone pull-free; a new personal record.  And the thing with personal records... you always trying to break them.  So here I go!  

Friday, October 12, 2012

Still pull-free.  But let me tell you- it's not easy.  Not sure how much is the NAC and how much is will power (or whatever)... but it definitely takes work!  The hard thing is I don't really want to stop pulling my hair.  I want to pull my hair; I like to pull my hair.  What I don't want, what I don't like is the damage.  If I could pull and have no damage then I would have no desire to be pull-free.  That really makes it challenging.  I have to keep the goal, the end result in mind.  And it's easy to think "it's just one hair."  I mean really... how much damage can pulling one hair cause?!?!  Well... keep telling yourself that every time and you'll see.  The damage adds up.    

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Hmmm... guess this could kind of apply to hair pulling (in addition to life in general).  Don't pull just because you are temporarily angry, stressed, scared, tired, or hungry.
Image via Karen Salmansohn at

Monday, October 8, 2012

Well, I did it.  One week (and counting) of being pull free.  I've only done this once before (see here) and I only made it a week.  So if I make it through today- it'll be the longest I've ever gone pull free.  I'm feeling a little more confident this time around... I think.  Maybe I'm just holding on to the NAC and praying it's some type of miracle!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

On my very first post to this blog, I mentioned that I was inspired by another blog.  I wrote, "I was looking around on the Internet and came across a blog of a young girl in UK who was blogging about trichotillomania and how she has been pull free (I'd share the link to the blog here, but I honestly can't find it anymore). After reading a bit of her blog... I kinda just felt like- I can do this. So here I am. I'm trying to be pull free... and you can join me on the journey. My journey with trich."  

She really did inspire me to do this... And I've so bummed that I couldn't find her blog again (I couldn't remember the blog name, her name, or what words I was googling when I came across her blog).  Well, with it being Trichotillomania and Skin Picking Awareness Week, I've been looking up a lot of trich stuff online.  And I found the blog!  I found her!  So let me give credit to my inspiration... Rachel from Not So Trichy.  Rachel (if you ever read this), thank you for sharing your story and giving inspiration to others suffering from trich!

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Thought I should mention- I'm two days pull free.  I won't say it's the NAC helping... it's probably a little too soon for that.  But with it being Trichotillomania Awareness Week and just starting the NAC- I have been trying really hard not to pull.  So it's been a lot of will power I guess.  Hopefully it'll get easier.  The longest I've been pull free is a week... so hopefully I can make it even further this time!  

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Check out this great story that was posted in the Huff Post today- 
Trichotillomania: The Secret I'm Finally Letting Go.  
Thanks for sharing your story, Sandy, and bringing more awareness.
According to TLC, "Hair Pulling Disorder affects 2% of the population, Skin Picking may be as high at 12%: yet TCL knows of only 200 treatment providers in the US!"  Wow!!  It's not wonder that people feel alone and think that they are the only ones that have this problem.  The more we talk about... the more people will become familiar with it.  And hopefully more treatment providers will start popping up!

Monday, October 1, 2012

Want to help spread the word about trich this week (or anytime for that matter).  Check out this list of ideas... like sharing this PSA video with others:

Trichotillomania & Skin Picking Awareness Week

It's Trichotillomania & Skin Picking Awareness Week.  And it's totally a coincidence that I decided to start taking NAC today and really working on fighting the urges.  I knew this week was coming up, but that's not why I chose today (I honestly just like starting things on the first of a month, week, etc.).  And I think this coincidence is a good thing- might help give me a little more motivation.

Trichotillomania affects up to 9 million Americans.  And Skin Picking affects an estimated 12 million in the US alone.

So many people suffering in silence and feel alone.  But that doesn't have to be the case.  The more we educate people and spread the word...the more people will know about these disorders.  And I know- it takes a lot of guts to share something like this, but... you never know who you could be helping.  And if spreading the word is embarrassing, BUT it helps just one... isn't it worth it?!?  People shouldn't have to feel alone or ashamed.  Okay... not trying to pressure you too much into posting on your facebook or twitter accounts :)  But please consider spreading the word.  As TLC put it, "Let's Make Some Noise!"

Monday, September 24, 2012

I should be getting my NAC in the mail soon and I'll start taking it on October 1st.  It's going to be a little tricky to gauge if I pull less simply cause there are a lot of times where I'm not aware that I'm even pulling.  And there are just random days were you do just pull less (who knows why).  So looking in the mirror will probably be the easiest way to tell if the NAC is working.  So I'll be taking before and after  (at the end of November) pictures.  And on top of taking NAC, I really am going to try not to pull... cause honestly most of the time I don't try at all.  Hopefully I'll have a full set of lashes, filled in brows, and no thinning spots in the near future!   

Friday, September 21, 2012

GNC NAC 600 - GNC - GNCI just ordered NAC today from   It happened to be on sale today for only $5... so I got two bottles.  In an article by Jon E. Grant, Md, JD, MPH, he recommends 1200mg/day.  So with the two bottles... it'll give me two months to try this stuff out.  I'll let you know when I start the supplements and how it goes.
Last night I got my hair trimmed and highlighted... for the last time by my hairstylist.  And although I don't have a new stylist lined up yet... I think I'm going to be okay about finding a new one.  I'm not going to stress out too much or get too anxious about it (not saying I won't a little).  I used to dread getting my hair done, but I'm a little more comfortable with who I am now.  Plus I've come to realize that hairstylists have seen it all, they are there to help you look you're best, and it fact... some main have even heard of trich (seems like something they'd cover in cosmetology school).  So even if I end up going to a few different people (til I find my next stylist), I'm planning on just being open about from the very beginning.  "Hey, I have trichotillomania.  Not sure if you've heard of it or not... Here's my problem areas where my hair's a little thinner."  Simple as that.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Hate when eyelashes just hurt... and they hurt until you pull them out.  I have a section today that is irritating me.  I pulled a few and it felt a little better, but I felt like I still didn't get the one that really hurt.  Then I finally did.  I pulled one that hurt more than the previous ones.  And now that that lash is gone, this section isn't bothering me so much.  And I'm glad it's not bothering me now, but I don't really know how many lashes I lost in order that get to this point.   

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Today's my birthday... another year of new beginnings.  A new year, a new day to start again! 

Sunday, September 9, 2012

I've been feeling a little down lately... and I don't really know why.  I feel like I could easily burst into tears... just waiting for the straw to break the camels back.  I need to keep reminding myself to choose joy.
Image via SharpGraphicArt

Saturday, September 1, 2012

N-Acetylcysteine, anyone?!?

In college I took Effexor, made me feel nauseated. Then I took Prozac, no bad side effects, but despite having my dosage increased and increased... I never saw a change in my pulling. So one day I just quick taking it. I quit seeing the doctor that prescribed the medication too... I'm sorry but taking deep breathes and pretending I'm on a beach just doesn't do it for me.

However, I do think that medication can help people. I'd kinda like to try again, maybe there's something else I could take. But the only doctor in my area that specializes in trichotillomania is... well, the same doctor I saw before. So I decided to see if there was anything OTC that I could take. And that's when I came across N-Acetylcysteine on the Internet. Dr. Jon E. Grant, M.D.,J.D.,MPH studied the effectiveness of N-Acetylcysteine on people suffering from trichotillomania- the study and research information can be found here. You can also check out a video of Dr. Grant talking about the research here.  WebMD says that it is "possibly effective for reducing symptoms of hair pulling." That "possibly" is enough for me... enough for me to give it a try.

So what is N-Acetylcysteine? Well, I'm not entirely sure. I hadn't heard of it before. So here's more of what I found on WebMD. "N-acetyl cysteine comes from the amino acid L-cysteine. Amino acids are the building blocks of proteins. N-acetyl cysteine has many uses as medicine. TLC shared an article from InTouch, Issue #55, "N-acetylcysteine is an amino acid which can be found at nutrition and health food stores. This supplement affects levels of glutamate in a specific area of the brain, making it easier for patients to decrease unwanted behavior."

So I think it's worth a shot... I'll let you know when I end up giving it a try. 

 And a little disclaimer here: I'm not saying you should go take N-Acetylcysteine if you have trichotillomania. Like all drugs and supplements, check with your doctor first.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Today wasn't a "bad" day.  But... I feel like I could burst into tears at any given moment.  The tears are right there- just waiting.  I'm so ready for my husband to come home- he's a big part of our family and we love being together.  The kids really miss their Daddy and at their ages it's hard to express those feelings- so there's been melt downs.  On top of that, my oldest started kindergarten this week (today was her first full day).  I haven't cried (and I haven't even pulled more than usual), but I'm spent.  My emotions need a break.  Maybe I should just let it all go and let myself have a good cry tonight.  A good cry is okay...  it's better than pulling.

Friday, August 24, 2012


Greasy hair = Strong urge to pull
I really need to make sure I wash my hair every day.  Even if it doesn't seem that bad in the morning, I need to wash it... cause by the end of the day it will be gross and it'll bother me and I will pull and pull.

Monday, August 20, 2012

These next two weeks should be interesting.  My husband is out of town (he left this morning).  So the days will be long and stressful with the three kids.  And the evenings will be lonely and boring.  So the urge to pull is going to be strong.  Knowing this... do I just give-in and pull away or do I try extra extra hard to resist the urges?  Not sure if I'm going to have the energy to try.  But I also don't want to have bare lashes and thinner hair and brows.  Gotta try!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Image via Behence

I've been meaning to write about my hair stylist- I love her!  I don't think she realizes how much she has done for me.  Prior to see her, I rarely got my hair done.  I dreaded it.  Every six months or so, I'd muster up enough courage to go to some random place, have a random person trim my hair, leave and hope to never see them again.  I was embarrassed.  The anxiety was awful.  And I felt like they were just staring at my damage.  On my list of things I hate- haircuts was near the very top!

Then I found out that someone I went to high school did hair... First she started cutting my kids' hair.  And eventually I got a enough guts to tell her about my trich.  She had actually heard of it and knew someone that had it.  Phew!  I was so relieved and actually excited.  I found someone who could style my hair and I would feel comfortable!  Not once have I felt anxious going to see her.  Not once have I thought that she's judging me.  I've felt... normal.  You know?  Like what most people feel like when they get their hair done.  And feeling normal is one of the greatest feelings! 

I figured she'd be my stylist for life- I mean, did she really have a choice? :)  Well... turns out she does.  She's having a baby this fall.  And I knew she'd obviously be taking time off, some sort of maternity leave.  But when she said her last day was in October- I didn't realize she meant her very last day.  She's done.... like done done.  

I'm... sad.  I don't know- not really sure what I'm feeling.  I guess that anxiousness is starting to come back cause I know that I now need to find a new person and explain my disorder.  I was hoping I wouldn't have to do that ever again (as open as I may seem- it's a lot easier on the computer than in person).

I'll keep you posted... hopefully in a few months you'll be reading a post about my new favorite stylist.  Fingers crossed.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Great news!  Trichster has reached their goal of $10,000!  But pledges are still needed.  They ultimately need to raise $20,000 to produce this film.  "Funds raised through kickstarter will go towards all aspects of production and post- production from equipment rentals to travel and film festival applications."  

To give you an idea of expenses, here's a list of costs that they shared:
$25 will pay for an SD card, XLR cable, or microphone windscreen
$100 will pay for a tripod, adapter, or small hard drive
$200 will cover the cost of a hard drive, or travel expenses
$500 will cover costs of camera rental for one week
$1,000 will cover the costs for two people to attend the trichotillomania conference or retreat
$5,000 will cover the total cost of post-production, including editing, composing, audio design and mixing, and color correction.

I personally have nothing to do with this film; I don't know the people involved.  But, I think it is very important that this documentary gets made and see by (hopefully) many!  So if you haven't help yet, please considering donating (even if its' just $1).  If you can't donate, then help by spreading the word!

Monday, August 6, 2012

Eh!  Sometimes I want to just rip out all my eyelashes and start over.  Sometimes I think having no lashes wouldn't look as bad as having huge gaps.  And then they could all grow into together and be the same length. 

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I don't really remember pulling that much lately, but somehow both my right and left set of lashes look awful.  Like awful awful!  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Not alone

Trich is estimated to affect 2-4% of the population, or two to ten million Americans.  It's more common than my blood type!  Yet I've never actually met someone else that has it.  Well, I've "met" people through online support groups, but that's different.  With millions of people being affected, there's a great chance that I know someone with trich and I just don't know it.  Well... yesterday I found out that someone that I already know and have known for years also has trich.  Such a strange feeling.  Wish I had known sooner (and I'm sure they do as well).  And while we can't go back in time and be there for each other, we can now.  

I'm not alone... never was, but now I feel it more- I'm not alone!

Monday, July 30, 2012

I would never wish trich upon someone... but I have always hoped that a celebrity, someone famous would come out and say that they have trich.  Simple because they could be a voice for the trich community.  They could bring awareness to this disorder.  Well, TLC's shared today that actress, Olivia Munn has opened up and revealed that she has trich (article can be found here at the Christian Post and here at the New York Daily News).
Image via Elle
"I don't bite my nails, but I rip out my eyelashes," Munn told New York Daily News. "It doesn't hurt, but it's really annoying. Every time I run out of the house, I have to stop and pick up a whole set of fake eyelashes."

Sunday, July 29, 2012


I had a thought the other day.  I know shaving ones legs and armpits isn't a part of trich.  After all, it's not pulling.  But I wonder if it could be somewhat related.  Now I wouldn't say that the average persons shaving habits are, but maybe my shaving habits are trich related or influenced by it?  The reason I'm was wondering is cause not only do I shave my legs and armpits... I shave them everyday... year round!  It's not for vanity or cause I wear skirts everyday (cause I don't).  It's simply because I hate the feel of any bit of stubble or hair growing back.  I have a hard time going to sleep at night if I can feel prickly legs.  And maybe to the average person they aren't prickly... Maybe I'm just more sensitive to the feeling.  Maybe I'm more aware of hair?  I used to think shaving daily was normal... until I realized that I haven't met someone else that shaves every single day.  Maybe it's OCD?  Or maybe it is just normal to shave that often?  Hmmmm?

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

How cool is this?!  Look at the progress the Trichster movie has made since I posted yesterday!  I really hope they reach their goal.  Having a documentary out on trich will educate so many people.  So please consider donating- even if it's just $1.  My sister and I have already donated- thank you so much, Sissy, for supporting something that means so much to me.  I'm pretty lucky to have such a supportive family!  Okay, so go check out Trichster and watch the trailer.  If you want to see this movie made- do your part... donate and/or spread the word to others.  We can make this happen!
Note: Their goal is to reach $10,000 by Friday, August 17th.  But ultimately they need to raise $20,000 to produce this film.  So there's a long way to go.  And unlike many other disorders, diseases, conditions, ect...Trichotillomania doesn't have a celebrity voice or some famous person getting the word out.  We are the ones that need to make it happen.  It's up to us to spread the word and educate people.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012


This documentary can not be made without the help of others... without me and you!  Please consider helping make Trichster possible by donating- even if it's just $1


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

I'm sure people wonder if it hurts to pull hair out.  And it's weird... it hurts if someone else pulls a hair out (like my little baby's hands that like to grab at anything).  But I wouldn't say it hurts when I pull.  In fact, sometimes there are hairs, lashes that actually feel like they hurt unless I pull them out.  Wonder if that makes sense?  Not sure if that's the same for other trichsters.  Hmmm?  Now this is really going to sound weird... but on occasion I've tugged on a hair on my scalp and it actually hurt somewhere else on my head.  Weird- I know.  I've never told anyone that before cause... well, it's weird.  Maybe my nerve endings are messed up... who knows.  

Monday, July 2, 2012

Right lashes have made progress... not necessarily intentional though, they just haven't bothered me.  I actually feel somewhat confident in how they look and I really want to leave them alone.  They are so close to looking normal (not naked and bare).  And go figure today they are bothering me.  I feel like they are calling out to me.  I'm trying hard to resist.  Think I might go take a shower- sometimes that helps.  I hope I don't lose this growth.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

The wheels on my desk chair don't roll very well.  I figured something of the kids had gotten stuck in there (ribbons, papers or other crafty stuff... who knows).  But when I flipped my chair over that wasn't the case.  The wheels were completely wrapped in hair.  I guess I should have known.  It's got to go somewhere.  And of course if I'm sitting at my desk, pulling hair, and letting them drop to the floor... of course they're going to get tangled up in my wheels.  I guess it's just bizarre to see evidence of your pulling, evidence besides thinning and bald patches.  

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

"No Make-up Allowed!"

Okay, there's no actual sign that says that but there are some places where make-up normally is not worn.  And if you do wear it, you might be seen as a vain person.  Like at the pool or beach, the gym (um... that's not a problem), or camping.  This past weekend we went camping for a couple nights (and we have a few more trips planned this summer).  And I wore make-up... not my everyday make-up though.  Just mascara and eyeliner.  I didn't even fill in my brows.  That's about as "no make-up" as I get.  Just wore the make-up that makes me feel normal.  It'd be nice to be able to go make-up free (completely free) someday.   

Thursday, June 14, 2012

"What beautiful eyes!"

What parent does LOVE when their children receive compliments?!  It's like a pat on the back- "Yeah, I made that!"  or "Yeah, I raised them well."  But there's one compliment that my children receive (often) and I hate it:
"What beautiful eyes!!" and "Look at those eyelashes; they're so long!"  Okay... I don't hate the compliment... I hate what comes after the compliment.  I hate when people then look at me to see if that's where they got their lashes from.  I cringe.  Please don't look at my lashes to see if they are as long as my children's.  They're not.  They're barely even there.  So the last thing I want is attention to my lashes... especially when they are comparing length.  I try my hardest to avoid eye contact, change the subject or probably do/say something awkward since I feel awkward.

I guess I need to get used to this (you think I would have after 5 years of people complimenting my babies and their baby blues).   

I guess I should look at their beautiful eyes as my goal, as inspiration.  Cause those beautiful long lashes did come from me... you just can't tell by looking at me right now.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Thank God for sunglasses... otherwise people might wonder why my brows and lashes disappear while swimming.  I know there is waterproof stuff out there, but for as often as I swim (not often) it's just not worth it.   

Saturday, June 2, 2012

This kinda of irked me.  I don't always get the chance to watch the Soup on E!, but I do think the show is pretty funny.  However, their recent post (and the comments from people) on their facebook page wasn't very funny.  At least I don't think those suffering from trichotillomania would find it funny.  Here's the picture- celebrities with their eyebrows removed.  If enough people "liked" this post their eyebrows would grow back.  

Here's a few of the things people were saying:
"Wow that's creepy!!"
"Amazing how someone looks vastly different after their eyebrows have been removed."
"Zombie apocalypse!  Thanks for the nightmares"
"Have you ever noticed that everyone looks like salamanders without eyebrows?"
"never realized that brows really make a difference.  woooowww"
"It's amazing how a LIL stretch of hair boost ur appearance so much..."
"Oh wow... that's amazing the difference eyebrows make... these are some of the most beautiful celebrities in the world and all of them are so uuuuuggggly..."
"That's so weird .  They all look so freaky."
"People look creepy without eyebrows!!!"
"O my gawd.  'Dis is ugly!"
"I wish I could unsee this."

WOW!!!  No wonder so many people suffer alone, in silence, ashamed to tell anyone that they pull their hair.  I don't think my comment will do much, but I did add this to their post,"While others find this humorous, creepy, or ugly... there are MANY who have to look in the mirror everyday and see a face without eyebrows (hair).  For those suffering from trichotillomania- please check out and don't suffer alone."

Monday, May 28, 2012

Pink eye?

Last week I thought I had pink eye.  My eye was, well... pink.  And watery and crusty in the morning, but it wasn't itching or burning so I wasn't certain it was pink eye.  I know I could simply go to the doctor, get diagnosed, and get eye drops or whatever.  But... I couldn't get myself to go to the doctor.  My eye, my right eye, the one that was pink was also the eye that has an almost bare lid.  How was I supposed to go to the doctor, have him look at my eye and not notice the lack of lashes?!  I told my husband, "I really don't want to go to the doctor... it's embarrassing and I really don't want to explain or be viewed as a freak."  He told me they wouldn't view me like that, but I didn't care... And I didn't go.  

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Sometimes you need a reminder

I had a dream last night...
My husband and I were on our way to church.  About halfway there I realize that I have no make-up on.  I freak out and want to go home.  But my husband insists that we just go.  I beg him to sit in the back so hopefully no one will see me.  I had no eyelashes and was very conscience of it.  I felt very ugly and wanted to hide.  
Thankfully I woke up before anyone made fun of me... and thankfully it was a just a dream.  

Friday, May 18, 2012

How come both sets of lashes can't look decent at the same time?!?  Few weeks ago, my right lashes were actually looking pretty good, but the left were still pretty bare.  Now my right looks bare and my left is okay (kinda).  Wish I was a little more symmetrical- I'd rather have both sets bare than half and half.  Well... even better both sets full and beautiful... someday.  

Wednesday, May 9, 2012


Just wanted to share one of my favorite songs... one that I don't mind getting stuck in my head :)

Monday, May 7, 2012

If I pull once, I consider the day a loss and don't really try for the rest of the day.   I'm also kinda ocd about starting things.  I like to start things on Sundays (I'm sometimes okay with Mondays- since that's the beginning of a work week) or on the first of the month.  If I'm going to start exercising, dieting... or trying to be pull free it has be at the beginning of the week- not a Thursday.  And if I fail at what I'm doing during the week... I tend to just give up until the following week starts up again.  Maybe this quirk is just an excuse?!?!  Something I need to work on.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Sometimes damage comes like a wrecking ball and other times it's brick by brick.  Damage is damage.  But I kinda felt like I wasn't doing much damage cause I was just pulling a lash here and there.  My lashes were starting to look good- so in a way I gave myself permission to pull "just one."  But one by one, I lost the growth that I had gained.  I need to remind myself that although pulling less is good... it is still doing damage.

Monday, April 30, 2012

I've been out of town.  I knew my pulling would probably be better while gone- simply because I was with my Mom most of the time and I don't pull as much in front of here (compared to my family or when I'm just home alone).  Plus we were busy doing stuff and I don't pull as much in public.  And despite being in the van for long time (10+ hours), I didn't pull nearly as much as I normally would a vehicle.  I think my eyebrows are actually filling in more.  I have to fill them in with eyebrow make-up daily, but lately I've noticed that I actually have some more.  Still haven't had another pull free day, but there is growth.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Caught in the act

This picture is from the summer of '05. No idea why my husband took this picture. No idea why I never deleted it from our computer. But here it is... caught in the act.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

When people stop hiding

TLC shared this quote from Dr. Deibler today on their Facebook status: "I often tell my patients that aside from treatment itself, an important thing unfolds in recovery: When people stop hiding, they start getting better."

I think it's true.  Although my pulling has varied over the last 20 years... Just being open about it has helped me feel better about myself and the fact that I have this disorder.  And sometimes I think that's more important than the actual hair growth.     

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

It's all about the growth

I still haven't had another pull free day, but I need to be okay with that.  I came across this passage from You're Already Amazing by Holly Gerth about perfectionism vs. growth. Now, I know this book isn't about trich or anything like that, but the message can still apply here.  

This stuck out to me.  "Perfectionism is all or noting.  Growth is little by little."  Perfectionism would be to be pull free and never ever pull again (I think perfection might equal impossible).  But "growth is little by little."  Growth is having some pull free days here and there, it's being more aware and pulling less.  It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

"Perfectionism is all about the goal."  Perfectionism would be all about being pull free, having full lashes, brows, and no thin patches.  "Growth is about the journey."  Hmmm... that's what this blog is kinda about? 

If I try to be perfect.  I will fail.
If I try to grow... well... I'll grow.  That's something I can actually do.

* I haven't read this book but after reading the description on Amazon, it sounds like a good book to read:
"Women feel enormous pressure to be perfect. To have the perfect body, to be a perfect woman, to have the perfect career, and to have the perfect attitude. All the time. Under all that pressure and all those expectations are women carrying burdens they were never meant to carry and suppressing the dreams they were always meant to live.  In You're Already Amazing, popular blogger and co-founder of (in)courage helps women understand and embrace the fact that they don't need to do more, be more, and have more--because they're already amazing just the way God created them to be. As a licensed counselor and certified life coach, Holley knows what readers need to hear. Like a heart-to-heart talk over coffee, reading this joy-filled book encourages women to forget the lies and expectations the world feeds them, instead believing that God made them for a purpose and that he loves them right now, at this moment, and always. Holley takes readers on a journey of the heart to discover their strengths and embrace all God created them to be."

Source: via Laura on Pinterest

Sunday, April 15, 2012

"I'm not gonna let it get me down
I'm not gonna cry
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight
'Cause tomorrow's another day..."

Jo Dee Messina, Bring on the Rain

Do not give up

Kinda feel like today might be the day that I end my pull free streak. I don't want it to be, but today the urge is strong. I really just want to quickly get rid of the hairs that are bothering me and then start back up again as if I never pulled them.

*Update: Just minutes after posting this I did pull my first hair in one week. Wasn't even one that was bothering me. I was just messing with it and out it came. The hair felt weak; it probably didn't have enough strength to hold on... that's why I can't even mess with my hair. For some hair, it doesn't take much for them to come out. Sad. I guess that's what happens with 20+ years. Not going to beat myself up.

12 Step Information adapted for Trichotillomania and Skin Picking

The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.

The Twelve Steps

1. We admitted we were powerless over trichotillomania - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God, as we understand God.

4. Made a searching and fearless personal inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of what we learned in our inventory.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these negative beliefs and behaviors.

7. Humbly asked God to remove our negative beliefs and behaviors.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed -- including ourselves -- and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends wherever possible, except when to do so would injure anyone.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and promptly acted on what we discovered.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other hair pullers, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

The Twelve Traditions

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon group unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority -- a loving higher power as expressed to our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for membership is a desire for recovery from trichotillomania.

4. Each group should remain autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or 12 Step Pickers/Pullers as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose -- to carry its message to other hair pullers who still suffer.

6. 12 Step Pickers/Pullers ought never endorse, finance, or lend the group name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim.

7. 12 Step Pickers/Pullers ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8. 12 Step Pickers/Pullers should remain forever non--professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. 12 Step Pickers/Pullers as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. 12 Step Pickers/Pullers has no opinion on outside issues; hence the group name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions: ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

The Twelve Promises

I can expect a miraculous change in my life by working the program of 12 Step Pickers/Pullers. As I make an honest effort to use all of the tools of the program...

1. I know a new sense of belonging. The feeling of isolation and loneliness will disappear.

2. I am no longer controlled by my compulsion. I act with courage, integrity and dignity.

3. I know a new freedom.

4. I release myself from shame, worry, and regret about pulling.

5. I know a new love and acceptance of myself. My self-esteem comes from within.

6. I enjoy stable periods of freedom from pulling.

7. I am capable of enjoying life without feeling that I have to hide from others.

8. I learn that it is possible to mend - to heal from the shame and pain of the past, and to learn new behaviors and attitudes that will help prevent my pulling.

9. I acknowledge that I am a unique and precious creation. I treat myself with gentleness, patience and dignity.

10. I trust a guidance I receive from my higher power and come to believe in my own capabilities.

11. I learn to see myself as beautiful, worthy and capable. Whether I am abstinent or not, I enjoy a healthy sense of self-esteem and the love and support of others.

12. I gradually experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth in my daily life.

Tools of the Program:

  • Meetings
  • E-Mail
  • Buddies
  • Abstinence
  • Literature
  • Slogans


  • Easy Does It
  • First Things First
  • Be Gentle With Yourself
  • Let it Grow
  • Progress, Not Perfection
  • One Day at a Time
  • You Are Not Alone
  • Let Go and Let God
  • Together We Can Make It
  • Keep It Simple
  • Love, Learn and Grow
  • Just For Today
  • Let It Begin With Me

The twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous have been borrowed and adapted for use for people with TTM. For more Information on the twelve steps and how they developed, please contact Alcoholics Anonymous.

12 Step Information adapted for Trichotillomania and Skin Picking taking from TLC.