To start off, I didn't wear any make-up yesterday. My husband was gone for the day and I was just at home with the kiddos. Not only did I not have make-up on, I didn't really get dressed either (old maternity yoga pants and a fleece don't count as getting dressed). Clearly I wasn't planning on seeing anyone besides my family.
Well, when my husband came home that night he really wanted ice cream and we didn't have any. For whatever reason, it was decided that I'd go get ice cream for us. He didn't care where it was from- he just wanted ice cream. So my option was to go to some fast food place and go through the drive-thru or go to a grocery store. And it's amazing how trichotillomania can effect me deciding between fast food or a grocery store!
Sounds crazy, right? But Trichotillomania is a huge part of my life. I think about it and how I look waaaaaaay more than I'd like to admit. And here's how if effected my simple decision last night.
It was late in the evening and I had no make-up on. And if you remember, I don't go anywhere without make-up (specifically eye make-up). But if I went through a drive-thru at night- there would just be brief interactions with people and poor lighting since it was late. So I could probably get away with going there and no make-up. But... I didn't really want ice cream from a fast food place. I'd rather pay less for a gallon of something better. However, going to a grocery store involves much more human interaction and bright lighting. I even mentioned to my husband that I'd need to get pants and make-up on in order to go to the grocery store. He just looked at me and said, "well, maybe pants." Really?! Does he honestly think I can go out in public with no make-up?! I told him that I was ugly without make-up (cause that's honestly how I feel). I hate looking at myself in the mirror without make-up on and I'd hate to think what others must think of me without it too.
What is wrong with me?!?! Why does the appearance of my eyelashes effect my decision to go to a store or not?!? Ugh!
Well... just a couple hours before bedtime, I put on eyeliner and mascara so I could run into a grocery store and pick up a gallon of ice cream. Sad.